Why must I forgive?

You have to let go of your past, so it can let go of you. 


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

How to Fight Fair

1.  Never put off a misunderstanding.

2.  Never call names.

3.  Never raise your voice. 

4.  Never get historical or bring up past mistakes.

5.  Never say never or always.

6.  Never threaten divorce. 

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-conflict

 

Four Ways to Deal with Conflict

(Romans 12:2 NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, 

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. 

Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Four Causes of Conflict

1. Poor communication. 

(Psalm 141:3) Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.

2. Unfulfilled expectations.  

(James 4:1-2) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 

3. Despising differences. 

(Mark 3:25) If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 

4. The Sin nature.

(Romans 3:23 NLT) For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Four Ways to Deal with Conflict

1. My way

Proverbs 14:12 (NKJV)

12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

2. Your way.

James 1:19 (ICB)

My dear brothers, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily.

3. Half way.

Romans 12:16  (ICB)

Live together in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are.

4. God's way

Proverbs 3:5  (ICB)

Trust the Lord with all your heart.
    Don’t depend on your own understanding.

James 1:5  (NLT)

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I cannot change my circumstances until I let God change me. 

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-conflict

Four Barriers to Communication

1.Withdrawal - never do this overnight.

Ephesians 4:26  (NKJV)

26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

2. Escalation - don't try to fix things during the conflict.

James 1:19 New King James Version (NKJV)

...be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

3. Belittling the other person.

Proverbs 18:21  (NKJV)

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

4.  False Beliefs about the relationship , which is the most dangerous.

Hosea 4:6 (NKJV)

6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-communication

Four Levels of Communication

(Romans 12:2 NLT) 

Don’t copy the behavior 

and customs of this world, 

but let God transform you 

into a new person by changing 

the way you think. 

Then you will learn to know 

God’s will for you, which is good 

and pleasing and perfect.

1. Surface  

communication like 

"How are you?".

2. General 

information like 

"what happened at work today?"

3. Deep feelings aren't always real, 

but they feel real.

4. Deep needs. 

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-communication 

How to stay in Love

The World's Way

1. Find the right person.

2. Fall in love.

3. Fix all your hope and dreams on them.

4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, & 3.

God's Way

1. Become the right person.

2. Walk in love.

3. Fix all your hopes and dreams on God.  

4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, & 3.

Most marriages fail because of lack of commitment. 

Uncommon commitment. Malachi 2:13-16.

Never will God leave you.  Never will God forsake you.  Hebrews 13:4

Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

You only need commitment on the bad days.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Philippians 4:13

God did for us, so we can do for them.  

Commit too...

1. Prioritize them.  1 John 3:16

2. Pursue them.  Revelation 3:20/

3.  Possess them.  1 Peter 2:9.

4. Protect them.  Psalm 121:7.

5. Purify them.  Ephesians 5:25-17.  Ephesians 5:32.

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands   

How to communicate

There are four levels to communication. 

1. Surface communication.

2. General information.

3. Deep feelings. 

4. Deep needs.

Feelings are not always right, but they are real. 

There are four barriers to communication. 

1. Withdrawal. 

2. Escalation.

3. Belittling.

4. False Belief. 

Uncommon Communication. (Matthew 12:36-37)

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. (George Bernard Shaw)

Be intentional with your words.  We are the product of the words spoken over us.  You can create your world with your words. 

You are to be a leader, and not a follower.  Don't let your world change you, but you change your world. 

Here is how you should communicate with...

1. Praise. Proverbs 25:11.

2. Thanksgiving.  Proverbs 18:21-22.

3. Affection.  Jeremiah 31:3.

4. Encouragement.  Ephesians 4:29.

5. Kindness.  Proverbs 15:1.

6. Speak the truth in love.  Ephesians 4:14.

7. Prayer. Psalm 16:8-9.

Truth without grace is mean.  Grace without truth is meaningless.  Truth and grace is medicine.  

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands