Thursday, December 20, 2018

How to Fight Fair

1.  Never put off a misunderstanding.

2.  Never call names.

3.  Never raise your voice. 

4.  Never get historical or bring up past mistakes.

5.  Never say never or always.

6.  Never threaten divorce. 


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-conflict
 


Four Ways to Deal with Conflict

(Romans 12:2 NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. 

Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.



Four Causes of Conflict

1. Poor communication. 


(Psalm 141:3) Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.




2. Unfulfilled expectations.  




(James 4:1-2) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 


3. Despising differences. 




(Mark 3:25) If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 




4. The Sin nature.




(Romans 3:23 NLT) For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.




Four Ways to Deal with Conflict


1. My way


Proverbs 14:12 (NKJV)
12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.




2. Your way.


James 1:19 (ICB)
My dear brothers, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily.



3. Half way.


Romans 12:16  (ICB)


Live together in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are.


4. God's way



Proverbs 3:5  (ICB)
Trust the Lord with all your heart.
    Don’t depend on your own understanding.




James 1:5  (NLT)
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.


I cannot change my circumstances until I let God change me. 


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-conflict

Four Barriers to Communication

1.Withdrawal - never do this overnight.




Ephesians 4:26  (NKJV)
26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,




2. Escalation - don't try to fix things during the conflict.



James 1:19 New King James Version (NKJV)
...be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;




3. Belittling the other person.


Proverbs 18:21  (NKJV)
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.




4.  False Beliefs about the relationship , which is the most dangerous.


Hosea 4:6 (NKJV)
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-communication

Four Levels of Communication

(Romans 12:2 NLT) 


Don’t copy the behavior 
and customs of this world, 
but let God transform you 
into a new person by changing 
the way you think. 
Then you will learn to know 
God’s will for you, which is good 
and pleasing and perfect.





1. Surface  
communication like 


"How are you?".




2. General 
information like 


"what happened at work today?"



3. Deep feelings aren't always real, 
but they feel real.




4. Deep needs. 


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-communication 

Friday, December 14, 2018

The Struggle For Our Words

The struggle for our own tongues are against demonic forces at war within our own minds. 



Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)
12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.


These demonic forces are at war within our minds to destroy us. 


John 10:10 (NLT)
10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My (Jesus's) purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.


Everything that has been stolen from you God wants to restore to you if you will let Him.  

James 1:26 (NLT)
26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

Where the battle wages on is right beneath our own nose which is in our mouths.


Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)
21 The tongue can bring death or life;
    those who love to talk will reap the consequences.




1. Our tongue directs our destination. 


James 3:3-4 (NLT)
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 




Not winning this struggle could cost you a relationship. 




Proverbs 12:18 (NLT)
18 Some people make cutting remarks,
    but the words of the wise bring healing. 


Proverbs 15:4  (NLT)
Gentle words are a tree of life;
    a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.




2. Our tongues can destroy what we have. 


James 3:6 (NLT)
And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.


Our words set the tone for our relationships.



3. Our tongues display who we are. 


Matthew 12:34 B  (NLT)
 For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.


4. We are to use God's Word to defeat the enemy.  Read Mark 4:1-11. 



How to control your Words.


1. Pause and consider your words before you speak.  


James 1:19-20 (NLT) 
19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.


Ask yourself before you speak W.A.I.T....


Why
Am
I
Talking? 


2. Ponder Luke 2:19.  


Luke 2:19 (NLT)
19 but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.


Think about the goodness of God and thank Him for it.


3. Ponder Isaiah 6:1-8.


Isaiah 6:1-8  (NLT)
It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple.
2 Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. 
3 They were calling out to each other,
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies!
    The whole earth is filled with his glory!”
Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke.
Then I said, “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.”
Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.”
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”
I said, “Here I am. Send me.”


Our own words keep us from serving God.  You, too, can be forgiven and changed by God if you'd but ask.


Philippians 1:6  (NLT)
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.


Rick Bezet, New Life Church
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/the-struggle-with-our-words

Saturday, December 8, 2018

The John 3:16 Principle

God's love is...

1. Unconditional 
2. Sacrificial
3. Personable 
4. Acceptable
5. Accessible  

The secret of love begins by being loved by God.  1 John 4:9-12, 16, 19. 

The secret of love is showing God's love to others. 

Showing God's Uncommon Love.

1. Say it.
2. Write it.
3. Give it.
4. Forgive it.
5. Live it. 


Romans 12:15, 1 Corinthians 13:13.

Dino Rizzo, Church of the Highlands 

How to stay in Love

The World's Way

1. Find the right person.
2. Fall in love.
3. Fix all your hope and dreams on them.
4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, & 3.


God's Way

1. Become the right person.
2. Walk in love.
3. Fix all your hopes and dreams on God.  
4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, & 3.

Most marriages fail because of lack of commitment. 


Uncommon commitment. Malachi 2:13-16.

Never will God leave you.  Never will God forsake you.  Hebrews 13:4

Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

You only need commitment on the bad days.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Philippians 4:13


God did for us, so we can do for them.  

Commit too...

1. Prioritize them.  1 John 3:16

2. Pursue them.  Revelation 3:20/

3.  Possess them.  1 Peter 2:9.

4. Protect them.  Psalm 121:7.


5. Purify them.  Ephesians 5:25-17.  Ephesians 5:32.

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands   

How to communicate

There are four levels to communication. 

1. Surface communication.
2. General information.
3. Deep feelings. 
4. Deep needs.

Feelings are not always right, but they are real. 



There are four barriers to communication. 

1. Withdrawal. 
2. Escalation.
3. Belittling.
4. False Belief. 



Uncommon Communication. (Matthew 12:36-37)

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. (George Bernard Shaw)

Be intentional with your words.  We are the product of the words spoken over us.  You can create your world with your words. 

You are to be a leader, and not a follower.  Don't let your world change you, but you change your world. 


Here is how you should communicate with...

1. Praise. Proverbs 25:11.

2. Thanksgiving.  Proverbs 18:21-22.

3. Affection.  Jeremiah 31:3.

4. Encouragement.  Ephesians 4:29.

5. Kindness.  Proverbs 15:1.

6. Speak the truth in love.  Ephesians 4:14.

7. Prayer. Psalm 16:8-9.

Truth without grace is mean.  Grace without truth is meaningless.  Truth and grace is medicine.  

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands 


Hurt?

Luke 17:1    (NKJV)  Then He (Jesus) said to the disciples,  “It is impossible that no   offenses should come, but   woe  to him  through...